


Even Like This

by senttothebrink



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bonding, Cotton Candy Fluff, Fluffy, M/M, Tumblr Prompt, intimate, true form AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-24
Updated: 2013-11-24
Packaged: 2018-01-02 08:44:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1054785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/senttothebrink/pseuds/senttothebrink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr Prompt: Could you write an au where Sam can see trueform!cas or his wings or whatever? :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even Like This

**Author's Note:**

> The Trials have an unexpected effect on Sam. Unfortunately, the effect involves not only himself but the angel he's been interested in for quite some time.

The first time Sam ever truly saw Castiel, the man lost his ability to breathe for a few seconds. They were on a case in South Bend, Indiana. A simple acquisition of a cursed object from a particularly closed off family. Not only were they hard to find but apparently magicians so the prospects of finding them went down daily. At their hotel room, the boys were scattered: Sam at the table, Dean pacing between twin beds, and Castiel leaning with his back against the window to Sam's right. Dean cranked out ideas left and right about how to draw the family out and separated even for five minutes when Sam turned to look at Castiel who'd suggested the application of knocking them unconscious all at once.

"We need at least one conscious and even if we do, do that, they might not even agree because we-" Sam's eyes grew large at the sight of Castiel not only with white sun spilling around him but engulfed by this strange, tall slender creature that towered above him and bent at angle to accommodate itself in the small room. He felt his heart beat thrumming through every part of him, his blood seemed to burn at the sight. Jimmy Novak's body looked wholly ethereal encased in light and this ghost like creature superimposed around him. No words came from Sam, only the start of aborted sentences that hung in the air. He must have been hallucinating. The trials were doing something, messing with his eyes, frying his brain, turning people into works of art.

The creature was opaque, at its core brilliant white, and lean, flexible, bending whenever Castiel went to grab something. It was draped in rippled cloth made of smoke that never floated away like Sam believed it should. Running along the bottom was an asymmetrical line of iridescent, moving crystallizations. It didn't have discernible limbs, only projections that looked like they could become hands. There was no nose, no mouth, no ears, just a translucent, oval face marked with seven almond shaped eyes, two columns of three and one in the middle. They faded from black, to gray, to white in a cycle. Deep blue and coal filaments on its back stroked upward from the base of its form threaded around his core forming a wispy cage that expanded and contracted. Sam felt his lungs working in sync with the action, his breath tied to its breath, if it was even breathing. Jutting from its back were glistening, thick wings made of shimmering obsidian glass and gypsum-rose suspended from invisible wires. When Castiel straightened out, so did the creature, wings shaking apart allowing Sam to see between each hanging layer. Pale static filled the whole room, settling uncomfortably against the dirtied motel walls, in the cracks and eaves of the room.

"Sam?" Castiel asked. The creature tilted it's head as he did. Sam shook his head, tried to tear his gaze away, but the sight is mesmerizing to the point where it seems to actually unnerve Castiel for the briefest of seconds.

"Sammy, what's wrong?"

Sam flicked his gaze to Dean just to see... There was nothing. No form. No beautiful creature. Just Dean in plain old clothes. He glanced back to Castiel, felt an abrupt rush of heat in his cheeks, then focused on his keyboard.

"N...Nothing. Just. Thought I saw something."

"Something to do with the trials?"

"Maybe, I don't know but... it's nothing," Sam flashed a hesitant smile toward his brother.

"C'mon, you getting hallucinations? Like what you had from the Cage?"

"No, not like that. Seriously, Dean, I'm fine."

That explanation was good enough for the time being, but it didn't stop Sam from staring or the next few nights after while they were driving, in another hotel room, every time Castiel walked in front of him, near him, anywhere in Sam's peripherals. He got caught on more than one occasion looking to which his brother responded by smacking Sam on his arm, head, nearest body part, wearing a look that said _you've got to be kidding me_. While Sam didn't care to look too far into Dean's accusatory glare, he eventually came to the conclusion that this was the angel's true form. His new talent made for a few awkward situations where Castiel caught and _reprimanded_ Sam for staring (which he finds is a little more than hypocritical. How many times has Sam caught Castiel staring? Too many.) However, he wanted to at least try to explain himself.

He thought he might try to on a night that Dean decided to go on a quick store run. Tonight happens to be that night and Sam can already see his window of opportunity. While sitting at a table facing the whole room, he watches the scene play out: Dean, with coat in hand, fishing out his car keys and Castiel trying not to make direct eye contact with Sam,

"All right, I'll be back in an hour-"

"Perhaps I can-" Castiel starts,

"Ah, I'll be fine. Besides someone has to stay here just in case." Dean isn't going to say it, but Sam knows. He thinks he needs to be watched over. Never know what the trials might do, what if the trials make his arm fall off, what if the trials- Fuck him. Sam knows Dean's overbearing nature has little to do with the holy crusade going on inside his body and more to do with him making terrible split-second decisions. Even if Sam understands, he almost rolls his eyes as Dean shuts the door. But now he's alone with the room slowly filling with gray static. His eyes are on Castiel who shifts from foot to foot. A slow rising red flush colors his neck and face. The angel crosses his arms over his chest although for a moment he looks like he has no clue what to do with them.

"I'm going to watch T.V.," Castiel announces. He's only midway across the room when Sam gets to his feet super aware of the fact that he's treading on thin ice. 

“Hey, Cas?" Castiel stops in his tracks. The temperature decreases noticeably and he turns slow and only half way toward Sam which means his True Form does the same, bearing down on Sam with it's seven piercing, black eyes. He suddenly understands why angels are feared. 

“I, uh-I'm sorry. For staring and, um-" Sam swallows, "Listen this is going to sound bizarre but I think- I think I can see your true form.”

Then he waits while Castiel processes. True form’s wings shiver and expand, head tilted like his vessel's,

“That would be impossible, Sam. My true form would incinerate you-”

“I- I get that but,” he rakes a hand through his hair, “I can see everything. You have seven eyes, no other facial features, you've got these moving- things, I don’t know what they are but they’re multicolored and jagged- and then your grace, at least I think it's your grace, in that blue and black- thing. Y-you’re made of smoke a-and-“ Sam stutters in a rush to explain all that there is but Castiel’s form is truly incomprehensible on his tongue. The more Sam describes, the more Castiel’s features break into one of mild surprise. “Y-You’re… I don’t know, Cas, you’re- you’re the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.”

The angel seems at a loss for words before his brow furrows in confusion,

“It...is possible that the trials have refined your sense of sight.”

All of that holy light in his blood? Sam’s almost 200% positive that that’s exactly what’s going on. A weight is lifted off of Sam’s chest now that Castiel looks more at ease with him. It's warm again, but True Form bends over Castiel as though it wants to observe Sam up close.

Seven eyes cycled through black, white, and gray again but quicker, never remaining the same for more than a second. Was he indecisive? Cataloging? Worried, curious? What was this creature doing that made Sam feel like his heart would burst out of his chest? Without realizing what was happening, Sam’s arm moved of its own accord to feel it, touch the shape that was truly Castiel. Castiel’s breathing halted altogether as he brushed the back of his hand against what he assumed to be the being’s jaw. It didn't feel solid, but more like water; cool and clear and soft, Sam’s touch casting tension relief shadows through the angel’s face.

 _Holy shit-_ Sam lets out a breathy, almost laugh. It’s too unreal, too perfect on his fingertips. He isn't aware of the visceral chain reaction going through the rest of Castiel’s form, doesn't notice the streaks of light bursting through the cage, the convulsions of those crystallizations forming and reforming their facets, the quivering smoke cloth fading to a much darker gray,

“S-Sam-“

“Hm?”

The taller man continues touching, filing away every sensation. His other hand comes up, thumbs swiping along what he would consider skin, or as close to skin as a true form could have. It’s pale, inviting, leaves Sam with the feeling that there’s a warm trickling filling in the empty spaces of his body with gentle light.

_“Sam.”_

Castiel’s true voice breaks over his name bringing the hunter back to his senses. He grabs both of Sam’s wrists, thumbs resting on his pulse points, and gently pulls his hands down. Sam’s adoring, curious face switches instantly to one of panic at Castiel’s disheveled appearance: beads of sweat adorn his forehead, chest is shuddering, body radiating heat to the point where Sam can feel it through his shirt. It looks as if Castiel is trying to hold back doing something he might regret.

“I-I’m sorry- I should have asked- I didn't think that I could actually feel you-“

Though Castiel’s eyes are closed, his true form’s remain open,

“It’s…fine. I was not expecting my reaction to be so…,” he exhales, ducks his head, “An angel's true form is not meant to be touched by physical means.” Castiel keeps Sam's hands low as rubs his thumbs in circles on his wrists. He seems lost in the moment, like he might fall asleep, but instead lifts his face, eyes flashing open revealing the deepest, glassy blue infused with black, white, and gray shattered flecks. Sam forgets how to breathe. It’s gorgeous- Castiel is gorgeous. He has a hard time not reaching out to bring their faces closer together.

“Did I hurt you?”

“The whole thing is…overwhelming. But no. I felt something akin to pressure. An explosion of sorts.”

Sam blushes to his roots,

“Oh! Jeez, I didn't-“

“It is all right. It wasn't unpleasant. Although I am mildly concerned about the effect it had on my vessel.”

 _Probably because I almost gave you an-…Oh god…_ He inhales quick, lets it go, then realizes Castiel still has a hold of his wrists and Sam’s breath almost stops again for a second time. Where they touch, his skin tingles, burning bright in his cells. Sam is very aware of the fact that there is an unfurling presence in his head that’s soothing and curious, concerned and sorrowful. It’s more fluid, more connection and someone asking if it's all right to be there.

“I am inside you,” Castiel says. Sam almost chokes on his tongue,

“Uh- W-Wait, you’re- you’re not-“ The word ‘possession’ flares across his mind. Castiel shows slight dismay over it and he shakes his head. Relief fills his lungs for a moment, “B-But...how?”

“It’s because of the grace flowing through your veins. It allowed you to connect to my true form and in doing so, we are now, for lack of a better phrase, a part of each other. The trials not only let you see on another wave length, but touch as well without any repercussions,” Castiel’s lips tilt in a strange way like he can’t believe it himself.

“Right. And I can feel your thoughts because you’re- kinda-“

“Inside of you.”

“Don’t say that-“ he exhales, “-you can’t just say it like that.”

“Why?" True Form gazes at Sam quizzically and he wonders how he knows that because this creature has zero ability to display emotion.

“Because,” Sam’s eyes fall to the angel’s hands still on him. A warm, prickly feeling races down Sam’s arms and sides. Wings enclose them almost like their presence is meant to pacify. Even though they’re not speaking, they're engaged in a transfer far beyond anything he’s experienced. There’s sound humming in his blood, vibrating through his muscles. Sam is colored glass stained by Castiel’s thousands of years of existence. True Form rises above his vessel again, eyes settled on white, the cage inside of it contracting rapidly as Castiel gazes through the younger man. The entirety of space is laid before him universes, nebulae, clusters of astral dust; it's all right there, flowing through and around Sam, his skin singing with the scent of ozone, ice and rock replacing his bones. He is endless, woven through strands of light that shatter against the surrounding planets. If Sam will never touch the stars himself, being here surrounded by Castiel is close enough.

But there's more. There's his time on earth, saving Dean, rebelling, his adventures with hunting and learning human customs from Sam, their time reading, the boys making jokes that went right over his head, Sam's hand on his arm, side, anywhere, and Sam staring and Castiel's vessel reacting in confusing ways. Castiel used to have certainties. Now, he had tendencies that made little to no sense.

“Sam…”

Sam blinks out of his stupor. The thoughts pouring into his mind are ones of desire, sorrow, curiosity, awe, the need to understand because Castiel is experiencing all of Sam's humanity.True Form’s cage expands in time with Sam’s lungs like they're dependent on the other. Castiel sees the first time they met, the ever present concern, the tentative touches Sam left along Castiel's arm, the fear of losing, the elation from knowing Castiel was alive. It's all green and yellow and purple dripping through his true form, curling like dye dispersed in watery pools. His wings, despite their hard appearance, are soft to the touch, feathery on Sam's shoulders. Questions, questions, questions, Castiel wants to know but Sam doesn't have answers. The only thing he knows is that when Castiel sways forward an inch their lips are centimeters apart.

_Even when I’m like this?_

Anxious tremors spread through Sam's limbs at the question. Of course Sam does, of course, this is Castiel, this is who he wants no matter what he looks like. A dash of reddish, pink hue sinks through Castiel’s form intruding on black and blue, spirals twining through grace. True Form's wings flare up and out. They settle lower, still quivering, but away from Castiel. Physically, the angel gasps against Sam's mouth, hands fisted in his shirt. The exchange nearly knocks Sam off his feet. It's too intimate, this feeling that draws all the oxygen from his body and leaves him drifting. What brings him back eventually is the body close to him, ready and wanting, breath spilling hot against his throat. Sam concentrates on finding his body again so he can bend down, press his mouth to Castiel's, convey everything he's wanted to since the beginning. They move with each other, slow and unhurried, knowing what the other is going to do, say, think. Sam pulls away though, drags his lips lightly along Castiel's jaw, planting affectionate kisses on his temple,

_Yeah, Cas. Even like this._


End file.
